MARRIED MEN FIST FIGHT OVER THE ALLURES OF A COLLEGE “FRESHER”..

Men will always be men…Read This>>>

By Mkala Mwangesha for thestandard…..

The caretaker of a residential flat at
Kasarani Division recently fought over
a female university student with one
of his tenants who ironically, like
himself, is a married man.
The first year student, who was
described as ‘eye-catching’ by
residents, was nowhere in sight when
the fight took place, and only came to
know about it through grapevine.
When the girl moved into the house at
the start of the year, the bachelors in
the hood fell over themselves for her
affection. But as is common, only the
strong-willed win. It was a married
police officer who darted her heart.
Since the building has few tenants,
word easily got round and in no time,
the man’s conquest was an open
secret. But while the rest of the men
moved on, the caretaker bitterly
harboured thoughts of ending the
relationship.
All hell broke loose one afternoon
when the officer came knocking on
the caretaker’s door, hurling insults,
fists clenched. He was royally drunk.
Apparently, the caretaker had been
making occasional phone calls to the
student’s father, reporting that his
daughter was fooling around with a
married man.
“Nani alikupa kazi ya kureport vile
watu wanaishi hapa? (who employed
you to report how people live here)?”
snarled the officer.
The matter would have ended there
had the caretaker not retorted that
the officer was just spoiling the poor
university student since he had a wife
upcountry.
The caretaker’s wife tried persuading
her husband to let it go, since the
officer was drunk and unpredictable.
But the game changed quickly when
the drunken detective started tabling
evidence to support his claims that
the caretaker had also been ‘bidding’
for the girl.
“Is that why you are jealous of him,
you embarrassment of a man!” the
caretaker’s wife frothed, spinning with
rage.
Unfortunately, her husband was not
listening because by then, he had
flung himself upon the officer, kicking
off a firce battle.
Young mothers watched the fight
while at the same time preventing
their children from doing the same. It
was a long, messy fight — punches,
kicks and wrestling, everything.
The flat may be coming to terms with
the fight, but the girl has been left in a
limbo as her dad is thinking of moving
her to a girls’-only hostel.

BUSINESSWOMAN STRIPS AT THE BANK

from the standard mobile
By Maureen Odiwuor

Security guards at a Bank ATM in
Kisumu last Saturday dived for cover
to avoid a ‘curse’ when a woman
stripped naked.
The middle-aged woman who had
gone to withdraw cash accompanied
by her employee shocked other ATM
users when she started screaming.
“Mayoo, nabed wendo ng’a yawa
(who will save me from in this mess)”,
she wailed.
As those on the queue anxiously
moved forward to have a look at what
had caused the commotion, the
woman started undressing, oblivious
of the shock waves she was sending
on the queue.
“She removed everything. I couldn’t
stand there anymore. The money I
wanted to withdraw had to wait,” said
an eyewitness.
The young man who had
accompanied her equally vanished
when she tried looking for him
among those present to explain what
had happened to her money.
“Ere nyathino, Otieno bing’isa
kumaiterega pesana, (where is this
boy Otieno? Come and tell me where
you always take my money!)” she
shouted in her birthday suit.
She then coiled herself in a corner,
yelling on top of her voice that she
had lost a year’s earnings. Caught
unawares, the perplexed guards did
not know how to handle the situation
at first. They however gathered
courage and pleaded with her to
dress up or else they would throw her
out.
The woman, after throwing all
decency to the dogs, refused to
comply and instead exposed herself
further, something that made the
guards and all present to stampede
off.
After absorbing the shock, however,
the guards gathered courage and
called for reinforcement from
colleagues in the banking hall who
hail from communities that don’t
associate nudity with curses.
They are the ones who carried her
and her clothes to an enclosed room
where she was left to dress before
being allowed out.
“This woman has bewitched us. If
anything, tradition demands that a
man should have intercourse with an
elderly woman who strips naked
before them, unless you want chira
(curse) to befall you,” said a disgusted
security guard from the local
community.
The woman on the other hand
explained that she had a business
premise in town from where she had
been sending her employee to
deposit cash on her account.
“Now imagine I came with him to
withdraw the money only to find
nothing in the account. He has to be
jailed for this,” she swore, saying her
next stop would be the police station
to record a statement.

IN LOVE WITH THE BARMAID

Every man has a ‘favourite’
barmaid. David Odongo explores
the world of the woman that wives
love to hate
We have two types of women: Those
who sulk and nag, and those who are
forever cheerful and caring.
The curvaceous beauties that are
‘man’s best friend’ are sympathetic
specialists of the male gender. They
know men inside out — how to deal
with them.
From the generous man to the hen-
pecked, the stressed, broke, honest,
simple, rich, poor and criminal man,
their skilled eyes read them all in one
second. And she treats them all
differently such that at the end of the
day, every man goes home feeling like
the king he will never be.
Oh no! We are not talking about
mistresses but barmaids — the skilled
professionals that wives love to hate.
But without them, husbands would
require lengthy therapy in the hands
of famed psychiatrist Dr Frank Njenga.
Siren
“Barmaids are a rare breed. If all
women were like them, men would
ever cheat on their wives. A barmaid
is a mother, a loving Agony Aunt and
a sex siren all rolled into one,” says
David Otieno, a regular at Nairobi
West Mall where several pubs
coalesce into a series of watering
holes.
His wife never cares to notice whether
he has had a hectic day, but if he
passes by the bar, the first thing the
barmaid says is “Leo umechoka sana
(you look so tired)” and proceeds to
‘baby’ him.
“Only the barmaid and my daughter
notice if anything is wrong. My wife is
either too busy or just doesn’t just
care,” complains Otieno.
Men in pubs talk about everything
from politics to sports, but the
conversation eventually gets back to
the barmaid. Men can argue for hours
about a subject, but when she is
called to mediate on why Greece is
broke, even university professors
calmly nod when she says Greece isn’t
broke. End of topic. Never mind that in
most cases, she was no idea about
what the drunken intellectuals are
talking about.
The barmaid is an institution within an
institution and the only reason men
talk about fashion. Everything she
wears is under scrutiny and is more
discussed than Angelina Jolie’s dress
at the Oscars. They may not notice
when their girlfriends or wives change
hairstyles, but when a barmaid paints
her nails pink, they glowingly
compliment her.
“That colour suits you kabisa, kwanza
tomorrow wear that green top,
utakuwa mrembo sana (that colour
suits you perfectly. In fact, wear that
green top tomorrow. You will look
smashing)!” they say.
Even if it’s alcohol talking, the profuse
compliment is good for her morale.
She goes home feeling beautiful even
when she would never make it to the
quarterfinals of a village beauty
contest.
But men being men still fight the
barmaid: “I asked for a Tusker and
you brought me Guinness. I am not
paying for this!” a drunken man
angrily declares.
Tips
With a smile, she takes away the
opened Guinness bottle and brings
his Tusker. A smile lights up is face
and he heavily tips her — a tip so
generous it could buy three more
Tuskers.
Barmaids hear all the problems that
bedevil men, problems that their
beloved wives will never hear.
Chances are wives are told fiction
each time their husbands come home
with their cars smashed. But barmaids
know the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth because they
are sympathetic listeners, non
judgmental and providers of the
world’s greatest balm — alcohol.
Contrary to what most women think,
men never discus their wives with the
barmaids. Men go to pubs to make
merry and forget. Forget that Mama
Baby hasn’t been talking for the past
two weeks and that her ‘headache’
has been going on for months.
And unlike madam, whose lips are set
in a permanent sneer from morning
to sunset, how barmaids love to flirt!
Is it any surprise then, that men who
are married to very accomplished
women have probably slept with a
hot barmaid?
But Meshach Wanyonyi who drinks at
Roasters along Thika Road disagrees
with the intrigues surrounding the
barmaids.
“They physiologically jail you. When
you are broke, they give you beer on
credit, you are so grateful that when
she says she has a funeral, men at
the pub will contribute outrageous
amounts,” he says, adding that he has
seen sober men Mpesa money to
barmaids with whom they have no
sexual relationship.
“The only reason men love barmaids
is because they are easy. Men,
especially married ones, find chasing
girls tiresome and expensive and they
want instant solutions to their lust,
that’s where barmaids come in,”
reveals Wanyonyi.
Wanyonyi, however, warns men that a
barmaid’s job is to attract as many
men as possible so they can order as
many drinks as possible and tip (her)
the highest possible amount of
money. So they’re basically attracted
to everyone — not just you because
she seems to know your moods and
what you drink, he says.
Mzee Kariuki, a 72-year-old retired
police officer who admits he was a
rogue in his day, echoes his views.
Stroking egos
“Barmaids use body language, beauty
and sexual appeal to lure men into
parting with money. They loosen
wallets by stroking men’s egos.
Whoever said ‘women are the weaker
sex’ has never drunk beer in a pub!
Theirs is a profession that prides itself
on service — service that is friendly
and offered with a smile. But that
smile is a fake as a wedding cake!”
reveals the old man.
According to Mzee Kariuki, these girls
are trained actresses and their skills in
acting are not from some drama class
but from constant real life practice
working on men for several hours
each day.
“When you see her flirting and giving
you positive body language, she’s
actually working and is not interested
in you! So you buy her three beers,
which she never drinks but smartly
sells and pockets the money to buy
milk for her children.
But in the morning when your wife
asks for money for milk for your own
children, you rudely remind her that
money does not grow on trees!”
mocks Mzee Kariuki.
“Most barmaids act in the same
flirtatious manner with all their clients
— especially the well-paying ones. So
if you’re getting the VIP treatment,
chances are you’re paying for it,” says
the sage.
Anthony Wanjohi equally has no time
for barmaids: “I go to the pub to drink
money that I earn. I need no favours
and the only time I talk to them is
when I want another drink,” says the
accountant, arguing that the cost of
good service is already factored in the
price of alcohol anyway.
But what Wanjohi may not know is
that tipping barmaids cements
friendship, and when barmaids are
your friends, you suffer no harm in
their pubs. They will beat up women
who want to lace your drinks, protect
you from pickpockets and when you
are too drunk, they chase you out of
the bar and ensure you board a
trusted taxi back home.
Small bill
Jack, a university lecturer, recalls a
night when a barmaid who was his
friend led him to his car, locked him in
and walked off with the keys.
To begin with, he now recalls, he was
too drunk to drive anyway. Worse, he
was carrying Sh100,000 in cash. When
he pompously removed the thick wad
of notes from his breast pocket to pay
a small bill, she knew the women
around him would rob him and
whisked him to his car.
“I was so drunk I fell asleep instantly.
She woke me up at 4.30am and told
me to confirm that my money was
intact. I tipped her Sh2,000 on the
spot!” says Jack.
So much as wives and the good old
pastor may not think much of them,
the truth is that most men have, at
some point in their lives, seduced or
attempted to seduce a barmaid.
And it wasn’t about alcohol — they
were dead serious!

:Alcohol Advice/Info as the weekend draws near..

Most people who have alcohol-
related health problems aren’t
alcoholics. They’re simply people
who have regularly drunk more
than the recommended levels for
some years.
The NHS recommends:
Men should not regularly drink
more than 3 to 4 units of alcohol
a day.
Women should not regularly drink
more than 2 to 3 units of alcohol
a day.
If you’ve had a heavy drinking
session, avoid alcohol for 48
hours.
‘Regularly’ means drinking these
amounts every day or most days of
the week.
Regularly drinking more than the
recommended daily limits risks
damaging your health.
There’s no guaranteed safe level of
drinking, but if you drink less than the
recommended daily limits, the risks of
harming your health are low.
And it’s certainly not only people who
get drunk or binge drink who are at
risk. Most people who regularly drink
more than the NHS recommends
don’t see any harmful effects at first.
Alcohol’s hidden harms usually only
emerge after a number of years. And
by then, serious health problems can
have developed.
Liver problems, reduced fertility, high
blood pressure, increased risk of
various cancers and heart attack are
some of the numerous harmful
effects of regularly drinking more than
the recommended levels.
The effects of alcohol on your health
will depend on how much you drink.
The more you drink, the greater the
health risks.
Drinkers can be divided into three risk
categories:
lower-risk drinkers
increasing-risk drinkers
higher-risk drinkers
Read about alcohol units to work out
how much alcohol there is in your
drinks.
Lower-risk drinkers
Lower-risk drinking means that you
have a low risk of causing yourself
future harm.
However, drinking consistently within
these limits is called “lower-risk”
rather than “safe” because drinking
alcohol is never completely safe.
To be a lower-risk drinker, the NHS
recommends that:
Men should not regularly drink
more than 3 to 4 units a day.
Women should not regularly
drink more than 2 to 3 units a
day.
Even drinking less than this is not
advisable in some circumstances.
Drinking any alcohol can still be too
much if you’re going to drive, operate
machinery, swim or do strenuous
physical activity.
Pregnant women or women trying to
conceive should not drink alcohol.
When you drink, alcohol reaches your
baby through the placenta. Too much
exposure to alcohol can seriously
affect your baby’s development.
If you’re pregnant and choose to
drink, do not drink more than 1 to 2
units of alcohol once or twice a week,
and do not get drunk. This will
minimise the risk to the baby.
People who drink should aim to be in
the lower-risk category to minimise
the health risks.
Increasing-risk drinkers
Drinking at this level increases the risk
of damaging your health. Alcohol
affects all parts and systems of the
body, and it can play a role in
numerous medical conditions.
Increasing-risk drinking is:
regularly drinking more than 3 to
4 units a day if you’re a man
regularly drinking more than 2 to
3 units a day if you’re a woman
If you’re drinking at around these
levels, your risk of developing a
serious illness is higher than non-
drinkers:
Men are 1.8 to 2.5 times as likely
to get cancer of the mouth, neck
and throat, and women are 1.2 to
1.7 times as likely.
Women are 1.2 times as likely to
get breast cancer.
Men are twice as likely to develop
liver cirrhosis, and women are 1.7
times as likely.
Men are 1.8 times as likely to
develop high blood pressure, and
women are 1.3 times as likely.
If you’re an increasing-risk drinker
and you drink substantially more than
the lower-risk limits, your risks will be
even higher than those above.
At these levels of drinking, you may
already have alcohol-related
problems, such as fatigue or
depression, weight gain, poor sleep
and sexual problems.
Whatever your age or sex, you’re
probably in worse physical shape than
you would be otherwise. Also, you
could easily have higher blood
pressure due to your drinking.
Some people argue a lot when they
drink, which can negatively affect their
relationships with family and friends.
Higher-risk drinkers
If you’re in this group, you have an
even higher risk of damaging your
health compared with increasing-risk
drinkers.
Higher-risk drinking is:
regularly drinking more than 8
units a day or 50 units a week if
you’re a man
regularly drinking more than 6
units a day or 35 units a week if
you’re a woman
Again, alcohol affects the whole body
and can play a role in numerous
medical conditions. You have a much
higher risk of developing alcohol-
related health problems. Your body
has probably suffered some damage
already, even if you’re not yet aware
of it.
Compared to non-drinkers, if you
regularly drink above higher-risk
levels:
You could be 3 to 5 times more
likely to get cancer of the mouth,
neck and throat.
You could be 3 to 10 times more
likely to develop liver cirrhosis.
Men could have four times the risk
of having high blood pressure,
and women are at least twice as
likely to develop it.
You could be twice as likely to
have an irregular heartbeat.
Women are around 1.5 times as
likely to get breast cancer.
The more you drink above the higher-
risk threshold, the greater the risks. So
some of the health risks can be even
higher than those above. You’re likely
to have the same problems as
increasing-risk drinkers: feeling tired
or depressed, or gaining extra weight.
You may be sleeping poorly or having
sexual problems. And, like increasing-
risk drinkers but possibly more so,
you’re likely to be in worse physical
shape than you would be otherwise,
whatever your age or sex. You could
also have high blood pressure.
At these levels, your drinking may
make you argumentative, which might
damage your relationships with family
and friends.
Read about alcohol support to find
out who can help you with problem
drinking.

Mother Subjects 11 Year Old Daughter to Prostitution

A woman in Ohio, Jacqueline Torro Williams..Midwestern United
States is set to face felony prostitution
charges for subjecting her 11 year old
daughter to prostitution .
The girl told authorities that under the
orders of her 37-year-old mother
Jacqueline Toro-Williams , she used to
go for door to door prostitution for
just $40 several times a day.
“It would start from the afternoon
and it would end at like 7 [a.m.] the
next day,” the girl, who is not being
named by authorities, said according
to Raw Story news site.
The woman also allegedly drove her
daughter to different apartment
complexes in their neighborhood and
force her to engage in prostitution
with men in exchange for money and
drugs, Zampelli said. The activity went
on for at least a year or more, mostly
in 2007, he said.
After a year she got pregnant but got
a miscarriage.She fled with one man
to Mexico with whom she has a baby
boy and baby girl .
The 37 year old mother who is also a
prostitute is currently held in an Akron
jail for subjecting her 11 year old
daughter to prostitution .

Ugandan Woman Turn Into Snake,Plot to Promote Witchdoctor

With more and more talk going on
about a Ugandan woman who turned
into a snake in Juba ,new information
has emerged that it was a plot by an
opportunistic witchdoctor to earn a
great name among unsuspecting
people ,more especially to get more
customers for his business.
The Witchdoctor connived with a
radio station (Bakhita Radio) in South
Sudan to make to the alarming news
that he had actually turned a young
lady into a snake after she stole
money.The witty witchdoctor made an
arrangement with police men near a
the police station where the alleged
miraculous incident had taken place.
The long term plan of a witchdoctor to
promote himself was some time later
tuned into a short term money getting
venture,Policemen guarding Malakia
police station where the lady was said
to be guarded started collecting dues
from impatient crowds gathered
outside.To see the reported Snake
lady,one was supposed to part with a
lot of money.
Conditions to enter the room
No one is was supposed to take any
picture while inside the room.
It is not allowed to look at the snake
directly.

Since no one was supposed to take
any picture or look directly at the half
snake lady, the only opportunity to
look at her was on computer.A Video
on YouTube called Half Snake Half
Woman in Indonesia was the one
shown instead of the real Ugandan
woman who was said to have turned
into a snake.
The group manipulated these
unsuspecting viewers with many other
videos about similar stories of ladies
who have reportedly tuned into
snakes .It was after wiser people
discovering that they were actually
being shown videos that have existed
on the internet for a long time.
More about the witchdoctor who
changed a woman into a snake
The same witchdoctor apart from
making such a great scheme is
reported to have also hit somebody
with lightening in broad day light and
with no rain,Every one wondered how
he did it but locals say it happened ,is
the story of Ugandan woman who
turned into a snake true?

..are these things or stories ever true..?? never been the superstitious type..

Original recipe for Jack Daniel’s found in Welsh book of herbal remedies

The original recipe for legendary American whiskey Jack Daniel’s has been discovered in a book of herbal remedies in Wales, it has been claimed.

The history of Jack Daniel’s is a mystery because the distillery’s early records were destroyed in a courthouse fire

Businessman Mark Evans, 54, was researching his family history when he discovered the recipe in a book of herbal remedies.

It was written in 1853 by his great-great grandmother who was called Daniels and was a local herbalist in Llanelli, South Wales.

Her brother-in-law left the Welsh town at about the same time to move to Lynchburg Tennessee where the Jack Daniel’s distillery was opened three years later.

And the Jack Daniel’s website states the founder of the distillery was from Wales.

Mr Evans says the ingredients in his great-great grandmother’s recipe match what goes into the best selling whiskey in the world.

He said: “I’m pretty sure I’ve discovered the original recipe in great-great grannie’s book.

“I was doing some family research, looking at photographs and things, and I wanted to look at the family bible.

“At the bottom of the bookcase was this book.”

Mr Evans’ grandmother Lillian Daniel’s Probert, who is 97 and living in Llanelli, can recall her own grandmother using the book to make herbal remedies and ointments.

He said: “My great, great-grandmother wrote in the book in 1853, and Jack Daniel’s is dated 1866, so it predates it.

“There is a link, because my grandmother’s grandfather’s brother – my great, great uncle – left for America and nobody ever heard from him after a couple of letters.

“That was during the time that Jack Daniel’s was set up, but more important than that, he was called John ‘Jack the Lad’ Daniel’s.

“We know he went to Lynchburg Tennessee and I’m pretty sure he used great-great grannie’s recipe to start off the whiskey business.”

The history of Jack Daniel’s is a mystery because the distillery’s early records were destroyed in a courthouse fire

A spokesman for the company said: “We know our founder was from Wales – we would love to see the book and the recipe.”